On being a good mom:

I am one of the good moms. You may not think much of this statement, but the fact that I can say it at all is a sign of tremendous self-awareness on my part. I make this statement as the weight of my role takes its toll on my shoulders, quite literally, as I’m constantly sore from carrying around my 6-month old in her front carrier. I make this statement knowing there are a million other moms out there, changing a diaper, wiping a nose, folding laundry, perhaps, who are wonderful, talented, loving women suffering from the internal, eternal conflict- balancing their mommy perfectionism with their need to wash their hair. These women question the truth of this statement, not as it applies to me, but as it applies to themselves- and they make never say those words with even an ounce of confidence: That they, too, are one of the good moms.



Good, by the way, is the most arbitrary of adjectives, a word with no meaning behind it without some basis of comparison. What makes a “good” mom is entirely in the eyes of the beholder, and as such we mamas strive for the ultimate appearance of success, as it’s that appearance on which we are judged. Do our shoes match? Is the baby adequately dressed, having taken into account not only the weather but current trends in baby couture and their gender, as we have only their clothing to mark them “girl” or “boy” and scorned be the mama who adorns her precious darlin’ baby in ambiguous attire.


We set out food at playdates, a tremendous feat, and even ask ourselves, and each other, what other moms have been serving when THEY host playdate- as much as we shouldn’t, and in many cases, don’t judge one another on our spreads, the ability to set out appropriately appetizing snacks is one more item on our proverbial to-do list, and one more task on which we base our success.


Many corporate jobs allot one year for a new employee to become proficient in their new role, and that is with a myriad of resources available to them at their fingertips- policies and procedures, how-to manuals, meetings with a supervisor to set role-specific duties. There’s a job description to adhere to, and goals with which to measure success. However, in my new job, that of a mama to one perfect, miraculous baby girl, I have no job description, no manual, no way to measure my success… and no time-allotted learning curve. My duties vary from day to day and from age to age; I fail as many times, if not more so, than I succeed. Some days my daughter sleeps 7 hours, sometimes she’s up every 45 minutes. Sometimes I manage to blow-dry my hair before work, sometimes I end up in a ponytail for 3 days straight. Sometimes I give my baby formula- which for me is a crushing failure every time, a sign of my inability to maintain an abundant milk supply for her to nurse- while for other moms it’s a necessity, and in no way indicative of her mothering ability, no more than my daughter being 80% breastfed gives me bragging rights. (although, I do swell with pride at the sight of her chunky lil hamhocks. How can I not?)


It shouldn’t matter if the laundry is done, if the dishwasher’s been run, or the rug’s been vacuumed. It’s impossible for me to cook like I used to now that I’m caring for her, and the responsibility of her nutrition falls in large part on me. But still I feel the anxiety creeping in every time I am faced with a basket full of clothes to fold, or when I realize I forgot to order diapers and we’re down to the last three.


I feel bad that I’ve neglected my dogs, who look at me longingly while I nurse the baby. I vehemently regret the fact that, on Valentines’ day, my husband took me dancing and I started to fall asleep mid-twirl. I wish that I had a chance to iron my work pants every now and then, and that I could be more focused at work.


And yet, I know I’m a good mom. I am a good mom because when I was faced with the choice between free, but unstable childcare and completely overhauling my family’s finances in order to place her in a reputable, but expensive childcare center, we opted for the daycare… and have never looked back, despite the stress and uncertainty it’s caused us. I’m a good mom because I’ve given breastfeeding my very best of efforts, pumping at night and during the workday to provide Millie with enough breastmilk to sustain her at daycare, and I’ve kept this up even on days when pumping goes poorly and I’m devastated…. And I have, quite literally, sat in my office and cried over spilled milk.


I have spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on breastfeeding aids- two breast pumps, storage bags, nipple creams, nipple shields, nursing bras, car and battery adapters, and herbal supplements that I misused; my fenugreek habit was up to 18 a day at one point, as I waited for the desired effect to kick in- a faint smell of maple syrup that was to indicate its effectiveness. I’ve pumped on bathroom floors in between breaks at trade shows; in the parking lot at McDonalds’; on the interstate; on the way to the movies. I’ve struggled with my decision to go to the gym in case I miss a feeding; I struggle with my decision to go to the gym because I’m away from her 9 hours a day already and my workouts feel like too much of a luxury, even as I preach the gospel of healthy habits to anyone who will listen; especially how my healthy (or not so healthy) habits translate to her future habits as well.


I endured abuse from my family when I chose daycare. I endured skepticism when I chose breastfeeding. I endured, and continue to endure, judgment at work when I choose to take Millie to the doctor when she’s ill, when I choose to use my lunch break to take part in playgroups. As much as I made these choices with the belief that they are the very best for me and my baby, they are different from the choices other moms make; different from, not inferior to. These choices make me no better or worse than other moms…. Although we all share the same guilt that each decision prompts, no matter our intentions.


We good moms, we mourn the loss of our bodies and our sanity, the loss (or impending loss) of our nursing relationships with our babies, we mourn the loss of each fleeting moment as we watch our infants grow and learn and change… just as we celebrate their triumphs, anticipate their milestones, and struggle to document each memory so that we can share them with our children as they get older. The good moms, we blow raspberries on our baby’s tummies during diaper changes, even as we secretly look forward to the day when they’ll pee-pee in the potty. We know we should go to sleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow at night, not knowing whether we’ll be woken up or not; and yet, we can’t stop marveling at our sleeping children on the video monitors we’ve installed. We lean on one another, and admire one another, and we always wonder how the other moms are doing so well, even when we know in our hearts we’re all in the same rocking boat.

 I hope for Millie, not monetary wealth or success, but that she will grow to appreciate all the love that surrounds her every day, that she will find happiness and meaning in her life, that she will wake each day hopeful and full of vibrance…. Even as I hope to bring out those things in myself. I try so hard every day, even when I am exhausted, even when I want to crawl under the covers and not come out until she’s 18, even when I feel like anyone else is more qualified to care for her than I am.


I know I’m a good mom because I wanted Millie more than anything in the world. Because I ate right, exercised, and read to my belly while I was pregnant. I read reviews of nursery furniture, bedding, toys, clothes, and diapers before making what I thought was the best selection for her. I had the very best of intentions when it came to diapering, feeding, making my own baby food. I chose to keep my job, because I wanted to raise my daughter to know that she won’t have to choose between a family and a career…. And I wanted to earn enough money for my family to be comfortable and enjoy a few treats here and there like family days, meals out, vacations, and Dr. Seuss books.


I’m a good mom because my heart aches with love for her, and because knowing I’m her first teacher, her primary role model, is bringing out wonderful qualities in me like patience and kindness and empathy. Because being her mom has made me want to be my very best self, not just for her but for both of us. Yes, I will mess up. The occasional swear word will pass my lips before I say "earmuffs," I'll probably give her chicken nuggets, let her stay up past bedtime, and watch cartoons on days when she should be outside soaking up sunshine... with sunscreen on, of course! But overall... I'm definitely a good mom. :)

What a good weekend!

Mike and I had such a good weekend with Bug! Friday night, she was in such a good mood when I picked her up from daycare that we met Mike at Happy Hour at Gator Tales, formerly Clubhouse Grille. We had some beer and snackies, and then went home, curled up and snuggled a bit before bed. Saturday morning we went on a family walk before I left to go meet my mama friends for lunch at Carrabba's (delish blackberry sangria!) it was so great to see some of my favorite mamas- I  am so lucky to have made so many wonderful friends, all thanks to the NFRMC post-partum lunches. Then a few of us headed to the Nutcracker at the Phillips Center for some holiday cheer! I headed out just early enough to miss the traffic and got home to a smiley baby. My sis came over after her classes and we headed to my parents' apartment in Alachua to spend some time together for the holidays, got tasty take-out from Conestoga's and looked through photo albums from Christmases when I was little. Millie and I got to bed kinda late, but slept well and had a wonderful day with Mike Baby on Sunday! We all slept in, then Mike made me coffee while I fed the baby and we headed out for lunch at Toojays- we share the Jaynormous and it was delish and filling too! Then we ran a few errands, got some books from the library, and took Bug home for a bit to clean and chill out. Early evening, we headed to CVS for Mike's flu shot and to stock up on over-the-counter meds for all of us since my flex card benefits change at the beginning of the year. When we got home, we had Campbell's chicken noodle soup for dinner, which for some reason just signifies winter with me- I love it! Then I gave Bug a bath before taking one myself with a festive Candy Cane cocktail in hand. Mike Baby lit a fire and made chocolate chip cookies- his are the BEST! And after a family snuggle on the couch watching football, we all turned in early to read. I know it all sounds so simple, but we just had a really good, loving weekend. Good sleep, good snuggles, sweet baby. She's trying so hard to sit up and roll over, it's adorable! :) We've decided she's too cute to ever punish, so one day when she's 14, we're just gonna ground her for a year to make up for it. Haha!

It was Poopalooza at our house too, with Millie headlining. She had a blowout performance with a spectacular encore- Mike and I saw it all from our fantastic seats, and got up close and personal with our backstage passes.

Bug: I can't wait for you to start talking so you can provide me with commentary of your day. You've been trying to tell me so many things! I love you so much. Your socks have clouds on them today; you can walk around with all the angels since you are one!!

Bringing Home Bug- a recap of the hospital and delivery.

Every month I was pregnant, I vowed to begin a pregnancy journal, the half-assed version of which became this blog… although I never went way into preggo details here because I remember thinking at the time, no one cares about my silly doctor’s appointments or weird cravings or whatnot. And now without a doubt I wish I had recorded my pregnancy because it was a transitional period, bridging the gap between my old life and my new one, two paths that may occasionally run parallel or intersect, but that will never, ever run the same course again…. I wish I had those last few months recorded so I could better share with Millie the years 1-28 BB- Before Bug.

In the meantime, though I offer a vivid and shamelessly joyful recount of Baby Girl’s birthday.


I had my 39 week OB appointment on Monday, August 30th, with Mike Baby in attendance. We with Dr. Iobst, with whom we discussed the possibility that Dr. Agrios would not be my delivery doctor over the weekend should I go into labor- given that it was, ironically, Labor Day weekend. We were given the option to schedule an induction and, since I’d had such an easy pregnancy, Mike and I discussed it and decided to opt in for the induction. I was so nervous- my stomach was in knots, my nerves shot to ribbons- but in the end I realized I was going to feel that way about childbirth and the resulting baby no matter what, and knowing what to expect- knowing I had a day to put things in order, re-check my bag was packed, get a pedicure (yes, that was one of my last errands!) I felt relief as soon as the reality sunk in…and we were scheduled to check into the hospital on Wednesday night.


That Tuesday was Mike’s and my 2nd wedding anniversary, a day spent with little fanfare, having had our celebratory anniversary dinner weeks before at MT Chophouse on the off chance Bug decided to arrive early. Wednesday was spent cleaning house, getting a pedicure, checking and re-checking my overstuffed Vera Bradley duffel for all the items I deemed necessary for childbirth, from my citrus-scented facial wipes to my cherry Vaseline lip therapy… my Pretty Pushers hospital gown… my bright pink nursing pajamas that have, in hindsight, proven to be ineffective for actual nursing.


I spent the latter part of the day blowing out my hair,(a task I will forever be grateful for, as I am one of the few people who are happy with my I-just-pushed-a-baby-out-and-am-now-being-photographed pics!) and getting ready to go. When we finally called the hospital to make sure we had a room, we were told that yes, it’s all ready for us and a nurse was coming in for us at 9pm. We loaded up the car, petted the dogs, went on a walk…. We were so antsy! Finally we just decided to take off and stop by Publix for a snack on the way… my last BB meal was a chocolate milk, yogurt, and Lunchable. Lunchables were the official food of this pregnancy… and first 6 weeks post partum, in fact!


Our arrival at the hospital was a lot like checking into a hotel. We showed up, our room was ready, and we were able to settle in with ease. I was given Cervadil to help ripen my cervix, along with an Ambien to help me sleep as Cervadil can sometimes cause contractions. I changed into my jammies and we read and watched TV a bit before settling in for the night. In the middle of the night, I requested a half-dose of Nubain, a mild painkiller to ease the pain of contractions and let me get a better night’s sleep. The next morning, I showered (with the use of my handy-dandy shower cap to preserve my blowout!) and changed into my Pretty Pushers hospital gown. We started Pitocin at 9:00am…. At 9:07am Dr. Agrios came in and broke my water! He was like, well if we’re gonna do this, we’re really go for it! 2 hours later, I received a second dose of Nubain while I waited for my epidural- my anesthesiologist was in a C-section. When he arrived- Tony- I couldn’t have been happier! That was the worst of the pain- I even fussed at the nurses to be quiet because it was getting so hard to focus. After my first dose of epidural I tried to sleep for a bit, only it wasn’t taking on my left side! Tony came and saved the day though, and within the hour I was napping peacefully. I did have to be put on oxygen for awhile since with the Nubain, Bug’s heartrate had dropped a bit, but I slept through all of that, and I woke up at 3pm refreshed! The nurses came in to check my progress and laughed at my progress… They said I was ready to have a baby! I can still see Nurse Angie’s look of disbelief. While Mike shut down the computer and prepared for his official Hand Holding Duty, the nurses called Dr. Agrios, and fussed around a bit…. By 3:47pm I was pushing, with our pushing playlist going loud- Salt and Pepa’s Push It, Hey Ya by Outkast, Eye of the Tiger… We were having fun! Dr. Agrios came in joking with me about how he knew I’d be having the baby before 5pm… and sure enough, our precious darlin’ baby girl, Amelia Rose Herchel, was born at 4:24pm on 9/2/10. 7 pounds 4 ounces of perfection.


The fam all filed in, held her, congratulated Mike and me, fed us some tasty BJ’s, and left…The nurses came in and bathed Millie, we packed up our loot, and then moved into our regular hospital room (which, admittedly, is NOT as nice as the birthing rooms, but I digress.) I showered up and we settled in for our first night as a little family. Adrenaline kept us from realizing how tired we were, and we started learning how to swaddle, how to change diapers…. It all went by so fast! Friday morning the swept her away for tests, and we were able to nap then before Round 2 of visitors. In the afternoon, we took a walk around the NFRMC pond for some fresh air…. Nursing seemed to be going okay, and Mike was a champ at giving me water in a straw while I nursed, since it’s the most thirst-inducing activity I’ve ever done!


That night, we had our first Whoa! We’re parents! moment…. I went to get a popsicle and Mike was like, oh I’ll go with you! But then we looked at each other and were like, wait, we have a baby now! Can’t leave her!


Friday night was rougher- I realized I was allergic to Stargazer lilies, and they were keeping me up coughing and stressed, and Millie was hungry… we were refusing bottles and paci’s at this point, trying to establish breastfeeding while we waited for my milk to come in, and she and I both struggled to get some rest. By Saturday we were SOOO ready to come home, and were happy to have gotten released in time to watch the first Gator game on TV. I remember coming in to the house, setting her down in her crib, walking across the hall to lay down in our bed…and promptly realizing that there was no way, no how I’d have the willpower to keep her that far away from me! So we moved her into our room that very night… our first night at home as a family.

Tuesday Random Stuff to be Excited About...

1. I'm wearing pre-pregnancy work pants today. I have no idea how much I actually weigh, but the pants are fittin'. Quite pleased with myself. :)

2. There's fun stuff going on every weekend coming up!
the 4th- Dudley Farm Cane Boiling Days and the Thomas Center Tree Lighting.
the 11th- Baby Shower Lunch for Cristin at Ballyhoo and evening New Mama's Potluck at home. Yay!
the 12th- Cookie exchange with Alachua County Mamas.
the 18th- Lunch and The Nutcracker with all my mama friends!
the 25th- Millie's first Christmas!

3. In January I will take my first trip with Milliebug- my sis and I are taking her to Philadelphia for a few days while I attend the American Bus Association's conference.

4. Oh, yeah- and we're staying at the Ritz-Carlton. Fo' cheap! (Thanks, Government rate.)

5. Millie is so stinking cute!

6. We have holiday photos scheduled for Thursday.

7. I learned how to make perfect seared tuna.

8. We are getting the maternity and newborn pics custom framed for the nursery.

9. We're about to hire a new person for the office!

10. We saw that new show at the Hipp, This Wonderful Life, and it was, well. Wonderful.

11. I had a great pedi at Spa Royale on Friday and got gift certificates to go back for massages, at the insistance of that awesome hubby of mine!

12. Holiday drinks at Starbucks.

Thanks and Giving

Okay, first: Yes I am 100% aware that I am blogging out of nowhere, that I’ve not kept this updated and thus really have no room to complain about my lack of readers or the fact that I wax wishful that I will someday be a writer, erstwhile not actually writing anything…(save for my 2, soon-to-be-3, articles for Giggle magazine… but I digress.) I’ve pictures to post, tales to recount, memories to relive, all in the name of narcissism, which I am now packaging as posterity….. for Millie’s sake, of course.



In the coming days and weeks, I plan on posting a 3-part series that will hopefully catch my blog up to my precious, darlin’ girl’s current age, which will be 3 months this Thursday. In the meantime, please enjoy my thoughts and observations on our first Thanksgiving as a family.


I must start by saying that I’ve never truly understood Thanksgiving. It’s not a holiday my family celebrated much growing up- my traditions amounted to eating stuffing (still my fave Thanksgiving food) and watching the Macy’s parade; occasionally I’d participate in some sort of age-appropriate school craft, like a turkey made of handprints or a construction-paper Indian headdress. My dad doesn’t eat poultry, so turkey of any kind was foreign to me, and we rarely, if ever, used the occasion to voice words of thanks. As I got older, I viewed Thanksgiving as a gluttonous holiday, existing only to obstruct any progress on whatever diet or exercise program I was currently involved in…. and I’ve spent every Thanksgiving since I’ve been with Mike complaining- about the quality of the food we were eating (easy to do, seeing as I’m one of the best cooks I know) about my Black Friday spending limit (any and all shopping limits are a touchy subject in the Herchel House, so I’ve begun a new tradition of lunch, wine, and pedicures with Natalia to stave off further disagreements there) and our football plans for the FSU game (by then I’m SO over tailgating.)


This year, though, I felt like I had things I should be thankful for. I say should, because as poor an understanding as I have of Thanksgiving itself, I am even more unfamiliar with the act of giving thanks. I feel appreciation quite a bit- but rarely do I stop and acknowledge all the outside contributors that make up the blessings in my life, and truly feel thankful toward those who have given of themselves in some way for my benefit- and tell them so.


Well, this Thanksgiving weekend started off at 3pm on Wednesday afternoon as an absolute mess. I go to pick Millie up from daycare- she’s just waking from a nap and terribly hungry. I don’t have my nursing cover with me; I’ve only put a nickel in the parking meter. I’m scurrying around to gather her things, trying, and failing, to soothe her. I eventually find myself sitting on the ground in the church’s courtyard nursing the baby, one eye on the car in case a Parking Nazi came by. My things are scattered around me and I hear my phone ringing, but can barely reach… I know it’s Mike Baby wondering where we are. When I finally maneuver myself to the phone, I give him a frantic account of what I’m doing and he replied calmly, matter-of-factly, that he was on his way downtown to join me and Milliebug and we’d have a nice evening.


And we certainly did! A stroll around the farmers’ market led to a peek inside Simply Gorgeous, where I found the Vera Bradley message board that I wanted for the nursery on sale. From there we enjoyed cocktails and appetizers at Emilianos, and rounded out the evening with gelato on the plaza.


Thursday we spent the morning watching the parade before heading up to dinner with my mama at the Great Outdoors (where, incidentally, the stuffing was delish.) We returned to my parents’ apartment to find my dad missing, having been taking to the hospital for a heart attack. Given the stress that his recent medical challenges has caused me, Mike suggested that we go home, relax, and wait to hear whether my dad could have visitors instead of spending time worrying in a cold waiting room… and luckily my dad was okay, and Mike and I were able to enjoy the comforts of home and some fresh air on the deck while we waited it out.


Friday we woke to a fussy baby, but I was encouraged all the same to partake in my Black Friday custom- lunch, wine, and pedi’s with Natalia (and, incidentally my bright red Meet and Jingle toes are lovely.) On our way out that evening to the Hippodrome, the Hyundai broke down. Mike was calm, albeit annoyed, about the whole ordeal, deciding to leave the vehicle locked and secured on the side of 6th Street so we wouldn’t miss out on the friends who were waiting for to enjoy a night out together.


Saturday began in a frenzy of errands to take care of the car, drop the motorcycle off for maintenance, and get Mike Baby back in time to head out for an FSU party. My mama, having picked up my dad and settling him in at home, joined me at our house to pitch in with laundry, etc…. We even went to Michael’s to take advantage of their framing sale to order custom framing for our maternity and newborn pics of Millie. But then- disaster struck! Back home, as I dusted the bookshelf above the changing table, it came tumbling down on the baby! She burst into tears… I burst into tears. It was traumatic to say the least. The next thing I know, I’m nursing her and Stella Puddin’ trots into the living room and yacks up 2 days’ worth of dog food, leaves, and pine needles- remnants of her enthusiastic squirrel chases. Crying baby. Crying mama. Sick puppy. And lucky for me one compassionate, level-headed hubby who, despite the fact that we were both due to babysit our niece and nephew, suggested that I take a minute to finish nursing the baby and relax after all of my scrambling around before heading over.


….And then on to Sunday. We wake early, start our myriad of Christmas-related errands in preparation of our upcoming holiday family photo shoot. It comes out through our discussion that there’s been a big misunderstanding regarding our finances, and now I’m worried about whether we’ll end up having a Christmas tree at all! But after some rearranging and compromise, we managed to get everything we wanted/needed, and I am thrilled to say we trimmed my very first real live Christmas tree yesterday! The whole house is decorated for the holidays, and it looks beautiful. After all that work, an exhausted Mama and Millie crawled into bed, and Mike Baby came to tuck us both in. He peeked into the bassinet where our perfect, exquisite baby girl had just drifted off to sleep and with a smile, he whispered, “it’s amazing!” And he’s so right. It’s amazing how so many crappy little things happened this weekend- something every day, in fact- but we still managed to persevere and focus on the good stuff like tasty food, good times with friends, decorating for the holidays. It’s amazing how we’ve got this gorgeous little girl to call our very own and she’s the cutest, sweetest, silliest, most kissable lil thing in all the world. It’s amazing how much our life has changed in the 3 months she’s been with us- I can still remember the car ride to the hospital and how Mike Baby and I commented, it’s our last red light without a baby. But mostly, MIKE is amazing. He’s the most amazing hubby and papa in the world, and for every terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad thing that happened, he managed to make something wonderful and fun happen. He's amazing every other day too, bringing me coffee in the mornings, helping to pack up daycare and baby bag items, fetching the gallons of water I drink now I'm nursing.  And for that, I am so so thankful for him. And I thought maybe I should write all about and tell him so. :)
*I’m still working on the giving part, but for now I finally have the thanks part figured out!!

Happy Holidays! More blogging to come- it's my early New Years' Resolution!!

Busy week updates!

We have had, in hindsight, a very busy week! First, after my blog on Wednesday early a.m, I am pleased to announce that my writer's block seems to be waning. I was even able to churn out a Tuscaloosa tailgating article on GT this morning, for which I am eternally grateful to the writing gods. They all must be football fans!

Work is going really well, I am going to be starting a UF Parents marketing campaign, which will, among other things, afford me the luxury of working from home, hopefully starting August 23, until Millie shows up. Here's hoping we can possibly move that date up even earlier, depending on whether we can get the materials in order by then! It's an exciting campaign and I'm looking forward to its success.

I'm also scheduled now for 4 tradeshows between now and April- Womens' Shows in Jacksonville, Savannah, and Raleigh; and the NBC Travel show in Miami. It feels good to have some travel back on the books to look forward to! I feel like it'll keep me focused on work post-baby, to have these shows to look forward to. Being in front of the visitor and getting to talk about Gainesville is such a great reminder of why I do what I do, after all!

We also have discovered The Warehouse restaurant, which you should stop reading and go try immediately if you live in Gainesville. Their chef is formerly of Steve's Cafe, their front-of-the-house manager is a former Eastside Culinary Institute and CIA graduate, and the food is incredible, and reasonably priced. Take this dinner-menu item, for instance: Grilled flank steak, accompanied by snow crab mac and cheese- for $13. Seriously. Awesome.

In baby news, Mike has been making EXCELLENT progress on the mural- will post pics soon! I love it and can't wait to see the finished product. I'm feeling Millie move around a bunch, including daily heartbeat sessions that cause my tummy to jump! Insane! I can't wait to meet her and see her little face. I ordered a blue-eyed, dark haired young'un and I just know she's gonna be brown-eyed, and at least start out as a blonde. Ah, well then I can just sing Brown-Eyed Girl to her, right?!

I'm going to be investing in a Belly Bandit for my hospital bag next week; Mike also ordered me my favoritest candle in all the land, Gardenia by Illume, for me to have in the delivery room to calm me and mask icky hospital smells. It's been my fave candle ever since Teresa and I stayed at International House in New Orleans, back before I could even drink- I think it was almost 9 years ago! So glad they still make them! Anyway, that fragrance takes me back to that gorgeous serene hotel lobby, with its neutral colors, attentive service staff, and all the delish food (mmmm, Bacco)  and great memories of that trip. I can't think of anything more peaceful to be reminded of as I'm screaming bloody murder through a contraction. If anything, it'll bring back comical memories of our long trek back to the hotel after my 5'9 sissy-love had herself some Hurricanes at Pat O's and I had to navigate our way through the French Quarter by myself, being stepped on all the way! See what a great caretaker instinct I had, even in those pre-baby days!

Laissez bon temps rouler! Have a great weekend!

I'm pretty sure no one actually comes to/reads my blog anymore, so this post is purely for my own purposes! I didn't keep a pregnancy journal, or do anything else to keep track of my feelings and thoughts during pregnancy, and for some reason I am certain Amelia will want to read alllll about my thoughts and feelings during her cookin' phase, that I regret that now. So here's a little update of what's going on with me, where I'm at with being preggers, etc. 

First, some details: I am 34 weeks and 2 days into my pregnancy. And I've hated the word "pregnant" the entire time. I like "my condition," or calling myself preggers, or referring to myself as a crock pot. But for some reason the way "pregnant" sounds just makes me cringe. I'd even rather saying jokingly that I'm knocked up! I think it just conjures up images of single teenage girls. I don't know why- maybe it's too many episodes of 16 and Pregnant, but to me, "pregnant" sounds like a problem to be fixed, Like "I'm anemic" or I'm diabetic. but "Having a baby" sounds so much more positive! I'm getting something out of this deal! Awesome! And maybe too that "I'm pregnant" makes it sound all about me, whereas "having a baby" or "expecting," well those terms are more about me AND Millie. 

I'm strange.

Anyway. We finished our childbirth series at North Florida, and I am pretty sad that despite my best efforts to befriend our instructor, a newcomer to the area who I adored and sent several desperate emails to about things to do in the area, places she should visit, and the fact that Mike and I are cool fun people who tailgate to boot, she has not ever responded to those emails and only maintained an interest inasmuch as she was my instructor. But nevertheless we had a wonderful experience in her class and I do feel more confident in my decision to go from that coveted scheduled C-section I wanted in the beginning to the opposite end of the spectrum, wanting to wait it out for an epidural for as long as is physically possible. I came to this conclusion based on the recovery times, the difficulty that C-section mamas have losing their baby weight, and the fact that I only have 6 weeks off of work and want to spend as much of that with Amelia as possible. (Plus, there's the practical reason that apparently I can't eat if I get an epidural. And anyone who is familiar with my CBS- Cranky Baby Syndrome- will know that I should NOT go very long at all without eating something. I have unstable blood sugar that is far more dangerous to my health and the health of those around me than natural childbirth. I'm just sayin'.) 

Since then we’ve also had my baby shower, which we held at our house and it was so much fun! Casual, comfy. We’d originally planned on a “bees and teas” theme at Fat Tuscan, and due to several conflicts with peoples’ schedules, it just wasn’t going to be as well attended, and so we changed to a Friday evening “Bedtime Stories” theme, with everyone in their jammies, “bedtime snack” pajama party food, (pizza, popcorn, yogurt pretzels, milk and cookies…. Yummers!) we had lots of fun games- a Rockabye Baby “name that tune,” baby trivia that stumped all of us, and a hilarious Bedtime Story mad libs that was just fabulous. It was a great party, with lots of great friends in attendance, and we made out with a bunch of loot too! Yay! J We had our maternity pics with Sweet Serendipity Photography that weekend too and are really pleased with the results. Now we have the unhappy task of deciding which pictures to purchase! We got some great shots at the stadium and at Lake Alice- it’ll be hard to choose! We decided to do a milestones package with the photographer so we’ll get newborn shots;  3-month pics (for holiday pics!) 6-month, 9 month, and year shots, including a smash cake session. Yay! 

Now that those fun things are over, it’s a balance of hurry-up-and-wait and Oh Crap! We still have XYZ to do! The nursery isn’t ready yet, although Mike has been working diligently on the T-Rex mural, which will now contain Amelia’s name written in skywriting across the wall. Once that’s finished, we can move everything back to its home. My daddy is ordering my shiny new pink glider this weekend and I can’t wait to set it up and put the finishing touches on the nursery! I still lack the Jim Harrison Baby Gator print, some wall hooks, a storage bin, and a lamp. Hopefully those items will come quickly throughout August. 

There’s also packing my bag- I’ve had a list of items to pack for over a month now, and keep adding to it, confirming with other lists, checking other baby sites and message boards for affirmation. I finally have my going-home outfit selected- (yes this was a big deal for me!) my maternity black leggings, a comfy but still cute baby pink tunic tee from Ann Taylor Loft (I bought 3 of these, which I’m wearing now over my current tum-tum, but they’ll make great transition pieces for that post-baby bloat.) and my comfy Jcrew critter flip flops that I have lived in during pregnancy.  Millie’s going home outfit has pretty much been selected- or at least narrowed down. Basically we are lacking baby mittens of any kind, and while the helpful newborn care class instructor suggested I put socks over her little hands, she clearly had no idea who she was dealing with as far as proper accessorizing, so literally part of what has me up at 3am is the fact that I was at Target earlier and neglected to pick up baby mittens. Other than that though, Millie will be coming home in a pink Gator cap, a pink and brown floral onesie, and little socks that look like mary janes. She’ll have pink baby mittens, as-yet unpurchased, and will most likely be wrapped in her pink and brown leopard print baby blankie- I think it’ll be too hot for the blankie that her nana made her. 

There’s a few key items that we still need- our baby monitor, a breast pump and accessories… but if she decided to come today I think we’d be pretty prepared. I found some great diaper coupons for Amazon and signed up for their Subscribe and Save program to combine with the coupons and get 2 diaper cases at 50% off so we feel a lot more confident in our gDiaper supply too. I think Mike’s nervous about our diaper choice, but if we just keep at it and develop our diaper routine around the g’s, I think we’ll be okay. 

As far as how I’m feeling- well I feel like my writing has lost it touch. I wrote an article for giggle in June and have felt a large heavy safe-type door closing on my creativity with writing. I don’t know if I was expending that on shower plans, because I really got into the theme and ideas for that, or if I am just so baby-focused right now, but I haven’t been able to churn out blogs, or articles for GatorTailgating, nothing. It’s really upsetting given that I want to be writing all the time and yet feel so scatterbrained and overwhelmed when the time comes to produce something! I also am getting more and more nervous about actual childbirth, and also how Mike and I are going to handle this transition. We got a TV device to stream downloaded media to our TV (the xbox having long ago crashed- we’ve watched many a TV show from the computer monitor!) and we’re getting Netflix streaming on it. I’m worried because last fall we cut off our cable and I don’t want us to enter back into the bad habit of wasting away hours in front of the tv. We have so many new things coming at us- baby,  football season, etc- that I’m concerned with how we’ll adapt and whether we’ll make enough time for ourselves and our marriage. But as much as I’m concerned about that, I also know that Mike has been simply the most loving, involved, positive husband and daddy-to-be that I ever could’ve asked for and as long as we’re aware of the possible strain on our relationship, we’ll take the necessary precautions to nurture it. I am hopeful, but still nervous about how we’ll do. 

I’m also worried about pumping for breastfeeding when I go back to work… but beyond that, these are my main concerns! I don’t worry about diaper changes, having a fussy baby, being able to handle taking care of her. I just worry about Mike and me being okay, and whether I’m gonna be able to feed her once she gets here. So that’s gotta be a good sign, right?!

I’m still planning on going back to work after 6 weeks, and have lots of great programs to look forward to upon my return- front desk FAM trips, an ambassador program at Oak Hammock that I want to start, redesigning our .org website to coincide with a redesign of visitgainesville.com. Yay work! For now I definitely feel like I’m developing short-timer’s syndrome, but only because I feel like I can’t really get started on any new projects right now since we don’t know when Milliebug will make her debut. 

In other news, my precious darlin’ Natalia is moving away to grad school in 3 weeks. I have SO not accepted this. She is moving out of her apartment on the 5^th of August, and to Ft. Lauderdale on August 14^th to start her new life as a doctoral candidate at Nova. I’m pretty devastated by this and can’t imagine my life in Gainesville without her! We’re both preparing for these big life changes and I wish I could be more involved in her moving process, I feel like I’m missing out on all of it because I’m busy being preggers, and meanwhile she’s been such a fundamental element of my support system here in Gainesville that I just know I will have the biggest, emptiest void after she goes. Of course long-distance friendships can survive, and thrive, lucky for me since my other lifelong bestie is allll the way in Pittsburgh, but nevertheless I will be crushed when she leaves. :(

 

Other than that, we’re waitin’ around for a baby; looking forward to her being here and getting to know her, and seeing how our little family does! I will probably start a new blog once she gets here to follow our many trials and triumphs as newbie parents, and am especially excited about an element of new parenting that I’m going to try to adopt, which is devoiding our entire family diet of corn syrup. I thought I’d actually been doing a good job of this already until I found corn syrup in my COTTAGE CHEESE AND PINEAPPLE the other day, an item that I just didn’t even check, so certain was I that it would not contain such an atrocity. Will be looking to Max Baby for a lot of support on this. :)